Baby's Breath

By Kaouther Banni, Eloued, Algeria

When all the universities closed, it meant I couldn’t do the practical part of my master’s thesis. Then came the anxiety that I’ve always had, as an adult.

One day, my mom reminded me that when I was seven years old, I used to do embroidery. A wave of memories hit me about the little me, trying to learn how to embroider. I decided to go back to the good old days of being a stress-free child. I gathered needles, embroidery hoops, and threads. I made sure that my favorite colors, green, pink, and purple, were present in the collection, because they played a big part in my works when I was young.

With the help of YouTube, I sharpened my skills to get ready to make my first pattern after a break of 17 years. The whole process was very nostalgic, from fixing the fabric in the hoop, to drawing the pattern. My hands moved spontaneously to draw a simple pattern inspired by nature: flowers and some leaves, just like what I used create as a child.

When I started embroidering, I forget completely about my anxiety. I enjoyed directing the needle to make nice stitches. It was very satisfying to be creative, and since I’m a visual person, that made it even more fun. I was able to focus on one idea while stitching, instead of fighting many competing ideas swirling around in my mind at the same time.

I practiced for more than two weeks until I was able to put my touch on one of my favorite T-shirts. I embroidered a flower called "baby's breath" to symbolize peace of mind. Now, whenever I feel a bit stressed again, I wear this T-shirt and look at myself in the mirror. It never fails to replace my anxiety with feelings of joy and pride.

Sometimes, we make a big deal out of a problem. Then, in a moment of clarity, a flashback to our childhood selves helps us see things from a less complicated perspective. I like how the poet Sheniz Janmohamed reminds me of this, with the line,

The child I was is just one breath away from me.