The New Me, by Gargi Saha, Kolkata
Born and raised in Gomia, Jharkhand, and currently living in Patna, Bihar, and Kolkata, West Bengal, Gargi is a compassionate, caring, and independent individual who loves to live life to the fullest and spread joy wherever she is.
On the 20th of March, 2020, after much deliberation, I took the decision, which was totally opposed by my entire family except my mom.
“Yes,” I told them. “I am taking the early morning flight to Kolkata from Patna.”
My dad and my partner were totally against it.
“How could you be so foolish? Don’t you know that already cases have risen, and that flights, especially transit through airports, are the main source of carriers of this deadly virus?” they said.
I thought to myself, If I stay back, I might have no other option, as I was all alone in the city.
Most of my colleagues had families. The very thought of being all alone in the three room apartment on the fifth floor of a polluted, dense, and busy city gave me a fright. It reminded me of the 2019 urban floods– how I was stuck without electricity, drinking water for almost 48 hours. A deep, unknown fear had engulfed me, and I just wasn’t ready to face it yet another time… and this time it could be longer. I finally ended up taking a train to Kolkata, with the help of the Railway Protection forces personal, who dropped me off in the early hours at the partially flooded train station.
The news of positives and deaths in Kolkata were tearing me apart. I woke up in the middle of the night, wondering what to do next, how I could possibly reach out to the people deeply affected by the pandemic. I was gradually losing the tenacity, strength, and courage that I am known for. Within no time, I was engulfed by fear for my very own: my parents and in-laws, who were aging, with dad a heart patient having comorbidities like Fibrosis, while mom had developed diabetes and thyroid disease over the past few years.
I had no option but to look into my inner resources to regain my peace and energy. I had to devise my own coping mechanisms. Thoughts of all the interests and hobbies that were somewhere left behind, either due to higher studies, or changing priorities, or lack of good teachers and motivation, dawned upon me.
I did things I had never done before. My kitchen was full with the aroma of cakes or some other delicacies, even during the weekdays. The memories of songs from yesteryears echoed in my ears, and I started singing again. However, physical movement always gave me more pleasure than being stationed in one place. Within no time, I got hold of a dance teacher, my senior from school, who has been teaching me Kathak, something I had left way back in primary and middle school classes. My happiness knew no bounds when mom parceled me the ghungroos that she had kept safely all these years. I even tried racing in the large ground in my hometown, Durgapur, along with my sister, something I took so much pride in all through my school and college years. Most recently, I tried soiling my hands in gardening, and the results have been amazing.
I can see a new person in me. Despite the occasional tussles at my workplace, I am trying to groom myself back into that little girl who would get sheer excitement by seeing the large ground, where she could spread her wings and run, or put the ghungroos on her feet as if there was no full stop, or start chasing a song until she has attained some degree of perfection.
While the morning newspaper headlines still panic me, I try to calm myself. Maybe my sense of helplessness has interwoven with a sense of tranquility, peace, letting go, and something to look forward to.
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(This story was prepared for an “Imagine Another World” online storytelling workshop held October 28, 2020.)
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