Could I Have Done More?

By Liam Melugin, Savannah, Texas, U.S.

I moved back to Texas in 2018, for college, and started living with my grandma. Everything was relatively normal, aside from her alcoholism because of the loss of my grandfather. After some hospital visits, everything seemed OK with her, until COVID hit.

I am generally a person who is more than capable of being inside all day and keeping myself occupied. This is what I usually did anyways, so the only real change for me was that all my classes were online. I initially was a little disappointed, because I did on occasion spend time with my friends. Thankfully, we were able to hang out before quarantine, because of the timing of my birthday. After a bit, I began to stay in my room all day, playing video games, talking to friends online, and doing other things to pass my time.

My grandma was somewhat of a social butterfly. She loved having parties and church functions at the house, but due to COVID this came to an abrupt stop. She began to spend all day watching food network and random things on TV. At the beginning of quarantine, I would spend time with her and keep her company, whenever I had the time. I would leave the house sometimes to see my parents, who had recently moved further away after their house was destroyed in a tornado last October.

Things at first were fine, but as the school semester continued, I became more and more busy. This led to me not spending as much time with my grandma as I should have. She told me, “Don’t worry, I know school is keeping you busy.” But eventually, I began to use school as an excuse to not leave my room, because it was what I was used to doing.

Around this time I noticed that she had started drinking again. She wouldn’t leave her room as much and was not eating. This is what she had been doing when I first moved in. I told my parents that she was drinking again, but the issue was that they could not force her to go to rehab. This meant that we had to see how it would play out.

Eventually, it did seem like she was improving again, and when quarantine restrictions were lessened initially, she was able to do some of the church-related things that she loved. This kept her occupied until the outbreak escalated even further. Then she went back to drinking. Eventually, I took her to the hospital, and seeing how weak she was, my parents rushed her to the ER.

Things were bad from the start and only got worse. She had liver issues and other serious medical problems. After only around a week in the hospital, she passed. This was back in June. My world turned upside down, and I have been in constant stress. I recently moved back in with my parents and have been trying to suppress all the feeling of sadness and sorrow because of her death. This has led me to keep to myself, and to constantly blame myself for her loss. I just really wish I did more.