Questioning Friendships During COVID-19

By Soren Ker, Carrollton, Texas, U.S.

When the pandemic started, I was definitely okay with the idea of quarantining. It was my way of having my actual "alone time" and enjoying my own company again. As a senior in college, I was in more circles than I could manage, and it was hectic to juggle who I should eat lunch with, who I should spend time with after class. I never had time for me. The first two months were relatively okay. I opened up art commissions again, started making bread (like everyone else LOL), and watched anime that I’d never found time for. It was so nice.

But the third month in, I began to overthink why people weren't really collectively responsive in group chats. There's one that I'm in with some friends I lived with briefly. Three of them live together still, another pair also live together, one I had a complicated, estranged falling-out with, and the others were miles away. It was pretty quiet for a few weeks (which never really happens), so I thought I'd reach out. I asked how everyone was doing, and if they wanted to play some video games whenever they were available.

The replies were sheepish, "I'm OK’s," and there were no responses to my offer. They also didn't really ask about my well-being. After that conversation, it was back to the usual radio silence, and it made me feel like I had killed the mood. It made me question if I seemed desperate for interaction, or if they just didn't want to talk to me.

I don't think it was selfish of me to feel that way, looking back at it, but it did take me awhile to understand that this pandemic has been so difficult, for so many people, and that social media could have been the least of their worries. I think that I've grown, and I better understand that people have their own lives. While we may be distanced physically, I get it that when things are looking up for them, they'll eventually reach out if they need to, and my duty as a friend is to be just there.